Vladimir Poliakoff

( I said you are really fit but, my gosh, don't you just know it. )

( Class Schedule. )

To set things straight: I'm not going to be a father. And to whoever sent me those knitted booties, you are strange and despicable.

WARDED TO ALICE AND KATJA; SEPARATELY
I didn't sleep with Aver
I didn't do anything that would have made
Avery and I never slept together.




And as far as I know, she isn't pregnant.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO SELF



What am I doing?

What am I doing?

I'm an asshole. I am. Father says I'm only misguided and I am looking for my own way, but no. I don't think so. I'm an asshole. I thought I'd be able to atone fix move past last year and try and be better but I've failed spectacularly. God, is this what guilt feels like? Or self-awareness. Whatever Alexandra calls it.

I should probably stop this with Katj Al Katja and Alice--



I'm an asshole.
END

Attention everyone, Avery and I have the most good-looking baby ever. Thank you for your attention. You may now resume your average-looking lives.

(FAIL) WARDED TO DURMSTRANG
[OOC: Um, warning, language alert. Since I personally am not comfortable using the c-word, let's all pretend it's there. OKTHX.]

Rude Girl is a c*** bitch. And she's not just a c*** bitch to me. She's a c*** bitch to everyone! I only asked her to pass the stupid boomslang in Potions today and she wouldn't and I ruined my Potion. ебать это. [Fuck this.] Should I just drop Potions? It's not like I need it anyway.
END

(FAIL) WARDED TO KATJA
[OOC: Alison!!! I got your email late but uh, I've taken the liberty of doing this, lolol.]

You free tonight then? Want to fuck? The locker rooms should be free and it was pretty fun last time.
END

Some Rude Girl led me in the wrong direction the other day, which explains why I was late to practice. It was obviously not my fault. I am not even making this up! Hogwarts was doing so well with being so hospitable up until this point.

[OOC: Uh, this is after Vlad runs into Qamar before Durmstrang practice. We've been threading it since... last year. IT'LL BE HERE SOON, PROMISE. The gist of it is that Vlad whinges at Qamar to direct him to the Pitch because the poor idiot got lost due to the staircases changing directions. And Qamar left him at the Room of Requirement lololol.]

WARDED PRIVATE TO CEL
[After this part of the conversation.]

Do girls like Ears?
END

Ah, the new year. Exciting times ahead, my friends.

WARDED AGAINST PREFECTURE - EIRIK AND JANA
Why is everyone drunk? Did I miss a rave?
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO ALICE
I don't know how you got those bottles. I'm impressed.
END

WARDED PRIVATE TO VASILI
Have you been drinking?
END

I was considering putting this under a ward, but I suppose it is better in public so that misunderstandings can be cleared up.

Alice Connolly, I am sorry for that comment regarding, you know, the head and squeezing. It was ill-thought out on my part and I might have paused before even considering writing it to you. But then again, we all make mistakes, yes? While what I said was not the worst thing said around these parts, please understand that it was not my intention to cause offence. I suppose different people just react differently to certain jokes.

On the other hand, Hogwarts and Prefecture, do not expect me to apologise for my post. I exercise my right to free speech, which I am told, is a universal human right. It is a joke, get over it.

Donnerwetter! A pregnancy scandal! Very intriguing. I can put a stop to all this mystery now, Hogwarts:

I am (probably) the father.

I've been told that my gaze renders the nearest 10 girls within its range pregnant if they stare into my eyes too long. Like a sexy basilisk, yes? Dreadfully sorry, I'll try to hold back next time. It's just incredibly difficult reigning all of this in.